What the World Needs Now

Who in the world didn’t start the life as a romantic? Nobody was born cynical, that I know. But what made us like this? And why is it the first thing that everybody rely on, yet the first thing to be cynical about is always love? Everywhere I hear the advice: love doesn’t last forever. Love is just some kind of lubricant to make the process of getting to know each other and adjustments easier, and then when it has to go, it went. Isn’t it a sad sad world we live in when something as grand as love is compared to KY Jelly or Durex Lubricant?

But what is happening along the way, when a couple started out so crazy in love with each other, could ended up bickering to no end and out of happiness that had been going on for years gave up by saying to each other: “I don’t think I ever loved you from the start?” Don’t anybody ever wonder what went wrong in between? I know, the answer may vary, you could say, it’s her fault or it’s his fault. Some might say, he’s changed but she never did. Or the contrary. There are some also would say that, they grow out of love. Like love is some kind of shoes we had when we were teenagers and someday we woke up from our sleep and it didn’t fit anymore. Love was here when we weren’t here. And it will be here when we’re not anymore. Love is always here, now and does exist. How can we outgrow love? It’s not possible.

So what’s wrong? Is there such a thing as ever lasting love, love that lasts and lasts forever? Or is it just a myth? Just a fairy tale that we heard from generations to generations so we tend to believe on its existence? Even though there’s no one ever witnessed it before? You may say that love between mother and child is that kind of love. But I would like to beg to differ. Mothers often love their children the ‘wrong’ way. The way that the children someday would blame their mothers on every complications and complexities in their lives. Some mothers disown their children. Some children outgrow and cannot stay in the same room with their mothers for more than 30 minutes. I know some that still love each other fiercely. But show me mother and child that love each other every day and I will show you 5 ‘children’ with mother issues.

So. What am I saying here? Am I proving that there is no such a love? Is love really an initial attraction to what people called a ‘companionship’? Truthfully, if you ask me NOW, I don’t find the word companionship attractive at all. When I hear that word, the image that come before my eyes is an old lady sitting in an armchair knitting, and an old man reading a newspaper in another armchair. They hardly talk to each other. They can tolerate each other, alright. They speak to each other gently, but they don’t have this joie de vivre that I would imagine I’d have even to my old age.

I do believe that there’s such a love that lasts and lasts forever until we die. It’s not easy to achieve this kind of love, that’s for sure. But once we have it, there’s nothing more beautiful and nothing make other things more beautiful. And you can have it forever! What IS that love? Here’s my theory: it’s the love we have for ourselves.

OK. Please erase that image of a lonely man with hand lotion and a bunch of scrunch up tissue in front of the TV in your head. Ew. Not that kind of love to yourself.

I know you hear this often: that you have to love yourself first to love others. Love thyself. Give yourself some love. But as everything else is, it’s easier said than done. Maybe I have to crack up some self-improvement, spiritual and psychology books to have the ‘correct’ definition. But I’ll try to define it from what I’ve experienced my whole life.

Loving yourself means: believing that you are worth it. You are worthy of the happiness, blessings, achievements and all the wonderful people who surround you. You are beautiful, you are intelligent, you don’t deserve to be miserable. You might argue with me: how come I am intelligent? I don’t know anything about mathematics, or astronomy, or computers? OK, at this point I may have a sudden urge to slap you but I wouldn’t. You’re intelligent on what and will count. Anyone in this world has his or her own role in this façade we call life. If you’re not good at math, then your role is not in math. Accept that. Accepting that we cannot be good at everything is a part of loving yourself. Getting rid of the grudge of past mistakes that people had befallen onto you is part of loving yourself. Please tell me that you are all aware that grudge and anger is a negative emotion? And who would hold onto such negative emotions gladly? Not if you love yourself. You’re much better than that. You’re heart is better off with overwhelmingly beautiful emotions. Your friends have wronged you in the past? So what? It’s most possible that with that kind of experience, you learned something so precious, you wouldn’t have learned it any other way. And in the end it’s a part of what made you, well, you!

Please consider this. If you have learned to love yourself, thoroughly, unconditionally, you won’t beat yourself silly over small mistakes, you will move on with the biggest smile (probably inside, if you’re afraid people might think you’re nuts), you will count your blessings every day, because if you consider it again, it is so overwhelming. Sometime we forgot that we have a roof above our heads, people who love us even though we often aren’t being our best self, we have food to eat, our books, our movies, our beds to curl up and sleep whenever we feel tired. I know that’s probably just the basic stuff, but if you see others who sleep on the street-side, probably inside a family buggy that also doubles as garbage disposal transportation during the day, you can count your blessings more. And when that sadness start to fill your heart again, tell yourself, you are worth those blessings! These things are given to you so you can make something that worth your while, worth people’s while. You are not going to let your life slip away like that and not doing something that you love. Fill your heart with happiness, with as much as positivity you can grab around you. And do whatever excites you the most.

I truly believe that if you make this a daily happenings, until it become a habit of loving yourself and not accepting anything less than being happy every day, you will attract nothing less than similar energy. That, my friend, is euphemism of similar people. People who have so much love for themselves in their hearts, the next rational thing for them to do is share this love to anyone else who are willing to be engulfed in it. People like these, like you, wouldn’t dream about making you unhappy. Why would they? Making you unhappy means making them unhappy. And they love themselves too much to make themselves unhappy. They will let you be you. They will let you do the things that excite you the most. As they will do theirs. We will be passionate about all the things around us. Or we will surround ourselves with things that we’re passionate about. And do the best; make the best outcome from it. We will share it with more and more people, until this bubble of happiness grows and grows and grows. And it will last and last. Oh yes it will. Because if you want to think of it, we can only tell ourselves what to do. We cannot possibly tell everyone else what to do and make them OK with us telling them what to do. You hear that, my ex-boss? (Sorry, can’t help it). So if we tell ourselves to love ourselves, why wouldn’t we love ourselves? It could only make us feel good. Nothing bad would come out of it. Only everything that is good in this world.

So, what then? Are we going to be shiny happy people, holding hands, skipping instead of walking, and bursting out show tunes no matter where we are? Hell, no, people, we are not characters out of Sound of Music. The beauty of loving ourselves is; we don’t have to declare it to the world! We don’t have to register to our nearest KUA and marry ourselves. We don’t have to tell that girl or guy who hit on us “I’m sorry, I’m taken. I’m in a fully committed relationship with myself.” Well maybe you can try, but make sure I’m there to witness that, because I believe that would be hilarious to see that girl/guy face.

Here’s the thing. We will continue our life as us. Our normal selves. It’s just the inside that changed. We would have this new pair of eyes when we see things. We would have a different point of view when we see a problem (or maybe you will be more comfortable to refer it as ‘challenge’ (feel free to barf)). We will take life as it is. No judgment necessary. We listen when we listen. We see when we see. We don’t pre-process what’s given to us. We just perceive. As it is. We will continue to steer away from things that don’t make us happy. And run towards the things that do. This is not me quoting ‘The Secret’ book because I haven’t read it. But that way, you are moving with the universe. So one day, you may find yourself in the right place, at the right time, with the right people and something great (not just good), GREAT will happen to you. You might not realize it instantly. But sooner or later you will. And you will have everything you ever wanted AND needed.

Here is something else I believe. I believe that the world has given us all the things that we ever wanted and needed. It’s either we block our self from them. Or our perception is so altered with the skepticism and cynicism so we couldn’t see it. And one way to get it and to see it is by moving towards loving yourself. We can only focus on what we want. It’s already there. The hows and whens are not our problem. I will give you a good example. I’m sorry if it comes from some chick flick I just watched.

There’s this woman. She just came out a nasty divorce where she was forced to give up her house, which she bought with her own money. Also renovated by his mother’s money. So to make her feel better and take her out from the slump, her friends bought her tickets for a tour to Tuscany. In Tuscany, she fell in love with a villa that happens to be on sale for quite an affordable price. So she bought it without second thought. Someday along the way, she came to realizations: why did she buy this villa? There were three other rooms that she worried would never be slept in, and a kitchen but no one to cook for. Then she confessed that she bought the villa because she’s tired of being afraid to dream. Because she still had a dream to be happy again. She wanted this villa to be filled with her family. She wanted a wedding to happen here too. The story went on. She waits and waits for Mr. Right yet no one worthy comes a long. Then something happens that pushed her to just focus on the house’s renovation until it’s done. When it’s done, the workers who have been working on her house have become her family and she cooked for them everyday, happily. The villa also housed a friend of hers who were pregnant and abandoned by the partner. And in the end, she become the hostess of a wedding of a young couple and then she met her Mr. Right. Maybe it was not the way she thought the dream to happen, but she had all her wishes! And it might not be her wedding and her true family, but she was so happy she couldn’t care less! Wait, where’s my tissue? Sniff

So, what do we have here? I’m sure you get my gist.

Take the Blue (Slip) and Tumble Down the Rabbit Hole

Okay I'm not trying to take the credit when the credit's not due. I'm just sharing an experience of mine with the Traffic Police Officers in the matter of the infamous pink and blue slips. But this is not a problem I took head on, unlike some (courageous) people.

The situation was; my friend and I are trying to catch a meeting smack dab in the middle of Sudirman street and it was still 3 in 1 period. There were only 2 of us, so I told her that we were going to take one of those 3 in 1 jockey to avoid the hassle. I had prepared what's left of my cash (Rp. 10.000), yet despite of that, we were involved in a heated argument, we forgot all about the jockey until we arrived in the traffic light near the pizza man (Ratu Plaza, well you know where it is...). I gasped and cursed,"Sh*t, how come we forgot about the jockey? I'm so f*cked." Especially when I saw an officer already eye-ing us who (obviously) looked mighty guilty. "Oh, no!" Said my friend, "what are we going to do now?" I thought about it for a while and said,"OK, I think I want to try the blue slip thingie." "What blue slip thingie?" asked my friend. "Just sit still and nod along to everything I'm going to say."

So there we were. The officer gestured us to pull over. So I did. As always, the officer gave a salute and greeting to us and asked if he could see my license and the car's registration, so I gave him those. And as always, he gave us the option of "a 'street trial' and paid the fine there or he would confiscate my license and gave me a schedule for a trial in one of the precincts". For those who are not familiar with this terms; a street trial meant we would pay up the officer on whatever amount he asks, and the money goes, nowhere else, but to their pockets.

So I told him: "No, sir, I admit I'm guilty in this matter, so I'd take the blue slip, please, you may take my license and I'll pay for the fine in the bank and get my license back." The officer seemed to hesitate a bit, and confirmed if that was what I want and I stubbornly said yes. "Okay then, wait here." The officer said and then he called out to his friend, the other officer who, from the look of it, took a specialization in being a 'spoke-person' for those who chose the blue slip. He was more eloquent and confident compared to the previous officer.

So this officer then tried and tried to talk me out of taking the blue slip. He said that it could cost me up to Rp. 750.000 because violating the 3 in 1 was a 'maximum fined violation' he said. I asked to see a written evidence of the law in the matter. He couldn't give me one, because he said it was "a new law that hasn't been socialized yet". So I still insisted on the blue slip, despite of what he said. I also reasoned that I only have this Rp. 10.000 cash now (I showed the money to him, I have already taken it out anyway), so I'd pay the fine later. So finally he said,"Okay then, if you're willing to pay Rp. 750.000, it's your choice, so I would write up this blue slip, I'd take your license, then after you paid for the fine, please look for me here and I'll give you back the license."

I thought: what? WHAT?
"Sir," I said with the tone I assumed was somewhat knowledgeable (although I was quite clueless) yet still polite,"If I'm not mistaken, after the fine, I should get my license at the nearby precinct, not from an individual officer. How could I possibly be sure that you'll always be here?" The officer then said something, I forgot the details but in the tone of: that's your problem if you want to insist upon the blue slip. Okay, I thought, if he wanted to play dirty, I could play dirty.

I whipped out my Blackberry and said to him: "okay then Sir, please let me take your picture and make sure your name tag is visible, because I'm forgetful, how can I look for you if I can't remember how you look like, let alone your name? So, say 'cheese'"

You probably would have guessed what he did. Or you wouldn't. He instantly covered his face with his hand and moved away from my car! Ha-di-haha. He said he didn't want to, and it was against the law to take picture of someone against his/her will. He also said that he would give my license to his fellow officer, so I had to look for his friend rather than him. Okay then, I said, please call your friend so I could take his picture!

At this point, he looked quite mad and my friend already started perspiring (I assumed hehe). The officer stole a glance at me and probably saw that I wasn't going to budge. So suddenly, which kind of came as a sweet surprise for me, he gave in and said,"Miss, I will let you go this time just with a warning. You can take your license and take Sudirman, I would call my friends with this walkie talkie so they won't hold you there. But please, remember the law next time!"

W00t! My friend and I looked each other in a disbelieving glee. And I thanked the officer with a full (well, okay, kind of mocked) respect and promised not to do this again. And then off we went through the Sudirman street, and we made to the meeting right on time!

The moral of this story, kids, if you want to go that rabbit hole, just be Alice, and don't ever think of turning back until you wake up in the English Garden.

Lazy Women's Guide to a Cleaner Earth

If you're not living in a cave, I'm quite sure you now that our earth is in quite poor-poor state. Human making mountains and hills of garbage. Human cut down the vastness of tropical forest. Human polluting the air we breathe. Yes, it's all caused more or less by us. So it's only natural that we have an uncomfortable nagging feeling that we have to do something about it.

"But, but, I'm no Greenpeace, nor I'm a Tree-hugger!" Stop whining and pull yourself together. You don't have to throw rotten eggs to celebrities who wear fur, nor should you tie yourself up on a tree (but it could be fun, don't you think?). If you say, you're lazy, I'm more of a lazy ass than you. So being this lazy, I think I will share some stuff that I find no trouble at all, yet make me feel like I'm loving back the earth that has been thoroughly supporting me all my life. Please note that, it may not feel like it's significant of actions if done by one person only. But think if it's contagious and suddenly we are a city full of earth-loving SOB's. Ain't it a pretty picture.

OK, maybe I exaggerate the bit on 'saving the earth'. By that I mean reduce trash and probably a little saving on the fossil fuel and less carbon-monoxide on the oxygen. And here is what I do:

• I bring my lunch from home. How is it saving the earth? Less food bought from street vendor by Office boys= less paper/plastic/styrofoam waste. If you're in the situation where you cannot bring your lunch from home, eat out. Eat in the vendors, eat in restaurants. Doing lunch at the office every day sucks anyway (that's what I do every day).

• I keep a coffee tumbler at home, one at the office, and hopefully someday I will bring one every where. How is it saving the earth? Similar to the above. Nowadays where coffee is more of a lifestyle than just a happiness-inducing beverage (that's me), it seems everybody has to has the paper or plastic cups with green circle marks on them on one hand. Just imagine how much waste per day we coffee drinkers made. So get a tumbler (they sell nice affordable ones at ACE) (this is not a sponsored post), ask the baristas to fill it with glorious delicious coffee, pay and then leave. Try to take it every where you go.

• I bring my own non-disposable water bottle everywhere. This is where I'm so lazy. I'm not the kind who look for water when thirsty. I could go for hours without water until realizing that I almost died from dehydration (lebay). So keeping a water bottle in my bag seems like an easy way out. I could refill it whenever I have the chance (at home, in the office, in restaurants, in the gym, just about anywhere). I know we are encouraged to drink more than 8 glasses of water a day. But can you imagine if that water comes from those cups and disposable bottles? How much garbage you'd reckon can come from that 'healthy' habit? Get non-drip water bottles such as Rubbermaid or Lock&Lock (again, not sponsored, but will accept freebies) so you can simply throw them into your bag without having to worry you'd flood your trinkets.

• I bring my own bag to supermarkets (and stores, if possible). This is actually the easiest thing that I have ever done. You don't need fancy bags for grocery. I bought 3 big bags from Superindo and they're very strong. I have them carry heaviest stuff and have yet to fail me in any way. I always bring it whenever I want to do grocery shopping. Also in my every day bag, I keep a fold-able tote. Just in case I need to do an impromptu shopping.

• I don't want to be one of the people that complain every day about the traffic, yet driving to and from work alone in the car. I remember reading this tweet from someone and it's like hitting the nail in the head: "before you complain about the traffic, please look around. If you're alone in the car, you're a part of the problem, not a part of the solution". BRAVO. Whoever you are. Sorry I forgot your twitter ID. "But what should I take instead of my own car? Jakarta's public transportation sucks!" Again, stop whining and pull yourself together. Of course if you absolutely have no choice but taking your own car, alone, to every where you go, then do it. But some of the lucky ones who have the option. For example; you love those bikes, you have a shower on your office (my excuse why I don't bike to work), go by bike. If in between your house and your office there's a straight, undisturbed (impossible) bus lane, take buses. Whatever works for you. But carpooling isn't going to hurt either. Just pick not-too-chatty, non-BO people as car-mates, and I'm pretty sure you'll have a blast of carpooling every day. By the way, if you have to ask, I take Trans Jakarta bus every day.
  
  
• I pee in the shower (well, not really).

Those are pretty much the actions that I do every day. Of course it's not enough and if I had the chance, I so would crank it up a notch. Like making compost, or order trash bags that are actually made from banana leaves and totally bio-degradable. Or getting a Prius? No? But, you know, I'm too lazy. So maybe some day.

These are some notes that could follow this post:

• Plastic generally need 500- 1000 years to decompose.
• Styrofoam, in other hand, need roughly a million years (I know, surprised me too).

Finding the 'Good' in 'People'

As you grow older, you have less friends. This sentence is not generally true for everyone. I know quite many people that still have buckets of friends though they're older than me. But it's very true for me.

When I was young, I don't care about it that much. I surround my self with anyone that remotely care to be around me. I would make a date with them again, again and again, even if I got stood up quite often. Then I realize. One of the truest test for friendship is time. No matter if you live at different continents, at different stages on life, could see each other about 2 times a year, the connection would still be strong whenever you talk to each other.

Friends come, friends go. Few friends stick, few have become mere acquaintances. Some even become quite nemesis that you prefer to avoid (or set 'stealth' on messengers).

But there are friends that are in some kind area, that you cannot quite categorize. They have been through a lot with you. Whether it's school or a job. You might or might not connect. You might or might not have things in common. But they are your friends nonetheless. Maybe you grew apart for certain numbers of years, then you reconnected (no thanks for Facebook). I don't have specific feeling for it (or maybe I don't feel at all :-p) but I have my mailing lists and my Facebook Groups from elementary school, high school (all 3 of them) and college (all 2 of them). I try to keep it small in numbers, and I don't participate actively in most. I would come to small gathering (I dislike big gathering) and only give a peep when I'm being asked (like, never). I'm still among a small circle of friends of my Al Azhar high school, whom I still contact heavily. We were very close then, we did everything together because we were the geeky outcasts, so there.

I have learned to view my best friends are my guarantee to good conversation and good laughs. Good conversations are still one of my biggest pleasure. As much as I love to chat with my bffs, I love to meet new friends and found out that we could have an extended version of a good conversation starting from getting-to-know-each-other. That's why I don't like big gatherings. I will be far more enjoying myself having one-on-ones or two of friends, in a quiet place with (preferably) a bottle of beer, talking and laughing silly until wee hours in the morning.

What about the friends that have proven themselves I cannot converse with them even in half an hour? (we'd be out of subject to talk to then and have awkward silence). I don't see them often anyway, and usually I would find one or few things that I love about them so I can keep loving them as friends, although we cannot be closer than we already are.

I have this one friend, that I don't have anything in common with, but I love how she really looks at me when we talk, and when we greet each other, she would kiss me on the cheek earnestly with her nose and lips (not one of those cheek to cheek sissy stuff). Strange as it may sound, I love her because of that. Another friend, who is annoying as hell. More often than not, we would yell at each other. But I love him because he's the only one who understands when I quote the silliest lines from 'Friends' and we can laugh our ass off just because that silly reason.

Again, as much as I love my friends and acquaintances, I'd like to steer away from liars, back-stabbers and friends who abuse me. I don't mind being used, but not abused.

I thank the universe that I have my friends. I thank every Gods that I have my best friends. For no matter how low I feel, it's them (aside from my family) that can make me feel that everything is worth living again.

Thank you for bearing with my morning ramblings that is my first post.